After seeing the classic 1934 film The Thin Man, I’ve realized what I want to do with my life. Screw computer science, I want to be a retired alcoholic detective who’s fallen into money. I’ll solve crimes between lavish parties and come up with witty jokes about my drinking, such as:

Reporter: Say listen, is he working on a case?
Nora Charles: Yes, he is.
Reporter: What case?
Nora Charles: A case of scotch. Pitch in and help him.

or

Reporter: Well, can’t you tell us anything about the case?
Nick Charles: Yes, it’s putting me way behind in my drinking.

It’s a hard life but somebody has to live it. It might as well be me.