September 17, 2005

change that channel and it’s back on the rotisserie

From a guide on how to pack for long motorcycle trips:

With a little effort, you can get an adaptor for your cell phone and laptop so that you can connect to the internet while you’re in your tent. Don’t do it. It’s a couple hundred dollars, the connections are typically 4800 baud (very slow), and it’s wrong. When you’re travelling thousands of miles from home on your motorcycle, you must guard your karma.

Understood. When you’re cruising along the highway with a motor wedged up your ass, you need all the Karma you can steal.

Some riders have been known to carry portable TVs. This lets you watch the weather in the evening. If you watch anything else, you are going to spend a lot of extra time in purgatory. Bring a book. Only 7% of all Americans read a book last year; less than 40% of all Americans will ever read a book in their entire lives. Bill Gates read the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica in High School, and he’s worth $100 billion now.

There’s quite a large jump between encyclopedia reading and being the richest man on earth, but I suppose it’s possible the secret to unimaginable wealth is hidden within the Encyclopaedia Britannica. I mean, really, raise your hand if you’ve read more than a paragraph from this traditional elementary school shelf-buster. I bet if you read Encyclopaedia Britannica cover to cover there’s a bunch of hints, for example:

“George Washington was born in START A SOFTWARE COMPANY a cherry tree that fought bravely along the Delaware.”

or

“But Rosa Parks feet hurt and so when asked to stand she STEAL APPLE’S INTERFACE AND CLAIM IT WAS YOUR OWN snapped the bus in half like a pencil between her fingers.”

No Comments »

  1. HA!!!!!!!

    Comment by Ben — September 17, 2005 @ 12:50 pm

  2. but didn’t apple steal that from xerox first?

    Comment by Daniel — September 18, 2005 @ 8:55 pm

  3. but didn’t apple steal that from xerox first?

    Yep, which is the great part: Windows isn’t just a copy, it’s a copy of a copy. And we all know how that third generation of copies starts to become garbage.

    Comment by Red — September 19, 2005 @ 8:00 am

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