bwong: sorry i took a while
bwong: my dad was twisting my nipples and giving me wedgies

So Lauren’s older sister is engaged FINALLY and she has a rock to prove it. No wait, make that a boulder. The thing is huge. If she’s not careful waving her hands she’s going to take out some poor 10 year old boy who’s not paying attention and somehow missed the gigantic sparkly sharp thing swinging from the hand of a woman that weighs about a third of the piece of compressed carbon on her finger.

Anyways. Today I was at a restaurant with Lauren, her engaged sister, and some of her sister’s friends. As we all know, the saying is that “Two Months Salary” is the customary amount that one is supposed to cough up for one of these things. Now, I’ve always had a gut instinct that there’s no way I would ever pay that much for a ring no matter how much it meant to anybody, but at the restaurant today these crazy women were trying to convince me that a wedding ring should be Three months salary. Which is ludicrous. They were absolutely rigid in their belief and wouldn’t budge, implying that I was a horrible cheap thrifty frugal stupid boy for suggesting that there’s no way I would spend three months salary on anything that didn’t have a roof or an engine. Absolutely not gunna doit. So I went online and I found out the real dirt on wedding rings.

First of all it definitely is “Two Months Salary” which was verified by several sources. The interesting little tidbit about this amount is that it came from DeBeers. It was a friggin advertising slogan for the diamond company. It was a subtle slogan, but it went something like “Two months salary never bought so much.” So not only is three months salary completely and utterly bogus, but the two months figure comes from a heinous and manipulative source.

So what the hell do you actually pay? Well, the obvious answer is pay what you can. Figure out what you want and what you can afford. Beyond that I found this site which mentions that three weeks salary or 6% of your annual income is customary. So you gold diggers put your shovels down.

The thing that gets me most riled up about all this diamond business is that diamonds are boring. There are so many other cool gems and stones in the world that would be much more unique than a clear stone. Alexandrite comes to mind, a gem that actually changes color from green in daylight to red in incandescent light.

*It occurred to me in the first third of this post that it’s very possible that I was being messed with and just bought it hook, line, and yes, sinker. While this possibility was very real to me, I decided to go with it as I already had it all outlined in my head.

“How did you grow a beard?”
-Isabella, my four year old cousin

Just finished thanksgiving dinner. SOooooo much of my favorite foods. Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, grandma’s hand made rolls, grandma’s hand made jam. There was also a salad on the table, though no one has been able to sufficiently explain exactly why yet.

As for the rest of the day, we shall see. I’m hoping to play basketball against my dad and his brothers, just for SOME physical activity, but we’ll see how that goes. Besides that, just football, tiny asian cousins, rasberry cobbler and ice cream.

This story was told to me second hand, so it might not be an exact quote. The featured players are my Aunt Sherry and my 3 year old cousin Dax.

Aunt Sherry: We’re having chicken for dinner tonight!
Dax: Is it the animal chicken or the food chicken?
Aunt Sherry: It’s the food chicken.

It’s 12:40am November 27th as I begin to type this so I wish everyone a happy turkey day and to my Uncle Chris I wish a happy birthday.

I had sort of a weird flashback today that may or may not have ever happened:

The day was April 20th(Jesse’s b’day coincidentally) 2001 and I was at Cal Poly visiting for the admitted students/alumni day. The whole time during this visit I’m just trying to imagine what college will be like and I’m thinking about what’s going to happen between Lauren and I. At that time, Lauren and I had been dating only 5 months, so who knew where we would be another 5 months later when it actually came time to move out and there was no talk between us of “making it work” or any other such craziness at that point. But still it was in the back of my mind as I really got into Cal Poly and saw it fully alive with all its students for the first time.

Everything up to this point DEFINITELY happened. The next part however, could just be some dream I’m remembering.

At the time I was working in the library, so I was interested in checking out the Cal Poly library and seeing what it was like. I walked up all the steps and around each floor, not really looking around so much as thinking about Lauren and I. Then, on the top floor, was the only person in the building studying, a blonde girl sitting at a desk next to a window. The weird part is, I really wanted to talk to her. Every other professor or student I’d seen that day had their game face on, ready to sell me on what a great decision it would be to come to Cal Poly, how it really was the best, how you’d make millions of friends here, meet your mate, and live happily ever after with two kids, a convertible, and a house on the beach. But this girl was perhaps the only person I would see all weekend who really had no interest in whether or not I attended that school. I needed that unbiased opinion. So I walked up to her table and sat down in the chair opposite her. I said hi and explained who I was and why I was here for the weekend and asked her what she thought of the school. And we talked for a good 10-15 minutes. Complete no-foreplay conversation. I only remember bits and pieces of the conversation. I remember she was a history major but she had no reason or urge to be one, I remember she had a boyfriend that went to another school that she missed, but didn’t want to transfer schools for. I remember her name started with a “T.” And that’s it. Didn’t exchange contact info or anything, just walked out of the library to meet back up with my family to continue touring the campus. Never saw her again, never really thought about it again till right now.

I don’t know. Even as I re-read that I think it sounds like a dream, but I can’t shake the feeling that it really happened.

Dad: When do you think you’re planning on leaving?
Me: Eaaaaarrrrlllyyy Sunday.
Dad: Do you think you’ll be able to get Lauren up in time to get going?
Me: Sure, she’ll probably sleep most of the way though.
Grandpa: She’ll get up in time, or she’ll be walking.

So my new shoes haven’t gotten here yet, according to FedEx tracking, they were last spotted in North Carolina. In the meantime I’ve gotten really annoyed with the crack on the bottom of my shoe, so much so that I’ve decided not to wear it anymore. For my other foot I am now wearing the one good shoe remaining from my previous pair of shoes, which is conveniently the same as my current pair, except blue and yellow instead of grey and black. Also it has an almost identical crack on the bottom of the shoe, but fortunately it’s on the other foot. Check em out:

You gotta give me props for takin the picture while wearin the shoes.

I ROBBED Jesse’s profile to get this.

i got three hundred sixty five fake id’s
i get a free meal at denny’s any night that i please
the waitress says “hey weren’t you hear last night?”
yeah i got a lot of birthdays, BLANK, alright?
So bring me my grand slam and moons over my hammy
so i can go home and put on my star wars pajamies.
–Sanchez Brothers click here to download this song.

If you like Primus you should know it’s Bob C. BLANK spinnin the crazy beats.

BLANK means “explitive deleted”

When did it become acceptable to answer your cell phone in a library? Back in my day you weren’t even supposed to talk at above a whisper in a library and people would be HUMILIATED when a cell phone went off in public. Now it’s ok to have your cell phone blarin the latest 50 Cent tune and to answer it with a sorority worthy “HHeeeeeyyyy!!!! I haven’t heard from you in SOOOOO long!” The next person who answers their phone in here gets a firm open palm smack in the face. Then, when they’re distracted, I’m gonna knock their cell phone out of their hand and step on it.

“One time the subway broke down on the day of a test and the professor locked two thirds of the students out of the class because they were late. (pause) His body was found in an alleyway later that week.”
-Professor Bresloff

“A question would be asked and she’d give the answer, behaving as though this were a game show and, if quick enough, she might go home with a tropical vacation or a side-by-side refrigerator-freezer. By the end of her first day, she’d raised her hand so many times, her shoulder had given out. Now she just leaned back in her seat and shouted the answers, her bronzed arms folded across her chest like some great grammar genie.”
-David Sedaris. Original Article here. Definitely recommended reading.

I love that commercial where the guy is hiding behind a bush with a water balloon and four guys drive up behind him in a Nissan Sentra and absolutely obliterate him. The best part though is when he’s falling in slow motion and his water balloon is deforming in slo-mo and just looking rad in general.

“How do I find everything the Prosimian Times wrote about Gentle Lemurs in the last month?”
-From google news FAQ

(22:32:58) Eugene: what did you get for 16b?
(22:33:05) Eugene: i got -26.3
(22:33:20) me: lemme check
(22:33:53) me: I got a little question mark next to the number
(22:33:57) me: and a blank page next to it
(22:35:08) Eugene: hmm, i never thought of that method
(22:35:12) Eugene: interesting

USC was so far ahead of UCLA at one point that Greg Guenther took the time to pass gas on an opponent before continuing down the field.

No it’s not mature, but if you can’t laugh at a good fart joke once in a while, I feel sorry for you.

I just talked to my parents on the phone, and my mom bought me underwear! Without me even asking for it. How cool is that.

For something that’s supposed to wake you up and has a reputation for making you jittery and strung out, there’s something soothing about coffee. Whenever I’m stressed and am called upon to do something outside of my comfort zone, I have this craving for coffee.

I think it has to do with my childhood; My Dad drank coffee every day, but for most of my earlier years he was gone way before we woke up, but on holidays and camping trips, every morning would start with that great smell of humid bitterness that meant family was near and good times were being had.

So when I went to wait outside for the tow truck to come and pick up my poor clutchless honda, I first made myself a cup of coffee. I sat outside on a rock in front of the apartment building, early enough on a Sunday that it was still rather peaceful, and looked around at the dying palm trees, the once great mansions turned into sub par student housing, and just appreciated the fading rock star that is South Central Los Angeles.

After my amazing deals of Thursday and my laid back Friday, karma came around to smack me on the back of the head this weekend.

I woke up Saturday feeling like I got hit by a truck and realized I’m coming down with a cold. Oh well, it happens. I called footaction and they told me the order hadn’t been processed yet, so I don’t even know if the shoes I’ve promised the world I’d be wearing are even going to come. Dissapointing, but they’re just shoes. Setbacks occur(I just realized this is a nice way of saying “#*it happens”), but I’m still ok with the world.

Then I got ready for work. I went out to my car put my foot on the clutch, and immediately found my foot on the floor. No resistance whatsoever. Couldn’t even get the car in gear once it was running. Great. So I called into work and told Jose my car is broken. His response? “Stop watching the football game and get down here.” I think he was only kidding but it kind of rubbed me the wrong way cause I wasn’t too happy right then. I haven’t called in sick once in 8 months of dedicated Pizza delivery, so I’m not too worried about it.

Fortunately, after this point, my weekend turned around. Because I didn’t go to work I was able to go to a DELICIOUS Italian restaurant with Lauren and her mom, who was in town. Then Carolyn let me borrow her car this morning to find a mechanic that was open on a Sunday, for which I can’t thank her enough.

In fact, I’ve already told her personally, but I’d like publicly say THANK YOU!!! to Carolyn because it was kind of a pain getting her car and she really didn’t have to do it and it made my life 800 times easier. It was kind of a trip because it was exactly like my Dad’s old thunderbird, except for the digital dash and the color. So Thank You Carolyn, I owe you big time.

So now my car’s at the mechanic, I had a good dinner last night, footaction emailed me and informed me my shoes HAD shipped Friday and gave me tracking numbers, and because I’m not going to work, I have more time to work out my physics hw, which I was worried about. I’m still sick, but I don’t seem to be getting any worse, so there’s hope that I don’t have ebola.

I can’t think of a good way to end this post.

for reference: Trojans are a football team, song girls are cheerleaders, and Carroll (Pete Carroll) is the coach.

“So dominant were the Trojans that Carroll considered playing the USC song girls during the final five minutes.”
-Gene Wojciechowski (ESPN magazine)

after seeing the picture of my shoes on this page…

“Wow, Lauren got shoes for $12. You can’t go wrong with that. Even if the other sides are hot pink.”
-Eugene