July 28, 2003

brian conveys an emotion

First off, make sure you all check out Eric Conveys An Emotion. Good for a laugh or a temporary cure for boredom. People send in suggestions for emotions, and Eric conveys his version of that emotion. Some of the best ones aren’t emotions, for example this, or that.

Lauren came back this weekend, which made it a good weekend by itself. We had the opportunity and privilege and opportunity to help Katie (Lauren’s sister) move this weekend. Lifting heavy things and traversing lots of stairs was an effective reminder of how badly I am out of shape. After I finished moving all I wanted to do was go swimming, but instead I got to deliver pizzas. I’ll post a pic of me in my uniform at some point, so posterity can mock me.

Off to get my car smogged….

July 24, 2003


Almost a year ago I saw a screening for Gigli, the new Ben and J. Lo movie, for free. It was a really rough cut, but you could still tell it was really horrible. So I wasn’t all that surprised when critics started bombing on it like nothing I’ve ever seen before. But one thing I noticed in a review was weird:

“The Ben and J.Lo stuff in the beginning was awful. So god-awful that I almost left the screening. But the one bright star in the movie is Raquel Castro, seven, who plays Affleck’s daughter. Castro completely redeemed the film. This little girl was brilliant!” -New York Post.

Which on first glance might not seem that weird, I know plenty of seven year olds who could act circles around Ben and J. Lo, but the thing is, when I first saw the movie, Ben Affleck’s character didn’t have a daughter…

July 23, 2003

biggest overstatement ever

“The VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston Strangler is to the woman alone.”
-Jack Valenti, MPAA(Motion Picture Association of America)

dr.fredericks remembered

Dr.Fredericks was brilliant, he was funny, and he was definitely a bit of an ass; despite his threats and somewhat random grading methodology he remains regrettably unforgettable. The following are quotes of his I collected throughout the semester:

“The beatles recorded that song [Can’t buy me love] in hamburg, a german port town. They could’ve bought some love.”

“I like bitter people, it just means they cared too much.”

“Venice Beach is a lot like the lower depths of hell.”

“The procrastinator is the ultimate optimist, he’s always assuming he has more time.”

Dr.F’s ex: “John[aka Dr.F], people never really change.”
Dr.F: “I changed! I got worse!”

…reading a particularly bad ex-student’s paper:
“It’s like she’s just masturbating on the page!”

“Go look at the Quaker oatmeal box, don’t do it when you’re stoned or anything, you’ll get in trouble.”

“I’ve been meeting a lot of girls that like girls, that’s all that is.”

“For Lent I gave up hope.”

“You also need your ass kicked, that’s what I’m for: I’ve got the shoes.”

“I don’t know anyone who wishes they were more shy.”

“Flirts are like the good Thai restaurant in my neighborhood, they don’t deliver.”

Student: “Do you know what I’m saying?”
Dr: “No… No I don’t”

Dr.F on Hamlet:
“Surprise! Here’s your new Dad. Surprise! It’s your Uncle.”

Dr.F walks in with a knee brace
Student: “What happened to you?”
Dr.F: “Ambition, too much ambition.”

“If someone tells you they love to write, they’re probably not very good at it.”

July 21, 2003

dr. fredericks quote of the moment

“The Apocalypse is coming and elimiDATE is my proof.”

let there be books

I’ve been thinking I need to get back to reading, especially modern authors. I’ve spent a good amount of my life reading “classics” by aging or long deceased authors speaking to a generation long past. There have to be brilliant new authors producing works right this moment that are relevant to me. With this thought in mind I started looking at books that I like on amazon.com and then seeing what people recommend in sort of a “If you like this, then try”. This turned up “The Contortionist’s Handbook: A Novel” which I’m going to check out. Hopefully I can get back in touch with my inner bookworm.


“met her at the star wars convention
did I mention, she was looking for love?
had to call her bluff, lady you don’t mean how that sounded
(the thousand-pound dude in the ‘no fat chicks’ shirt’s astounded)
thought she’d take it back, revoke, rescind, rewind, retract
ya heard me, she said, I want any man here
to descend in the cave where you conquer the fear
and I’ll steer you to side of the force that you choose
somebody’s man enough here — now who?

This girl, now you have to understand,
would not look out of place on the arm of an attractive man
so the geeks in attendance got jaws on the floor, one extends his
saber but he tripped on his cloak, I stepped to the front then I spoke
I ain’t spitting game, look I got a wookie hat on,
but these guys here are used to gettin’ spat on
by girls, see you put em in shock.
And this ain’t the right con to quote mister spock
but it’s highly illogical to me. Girl looked in my eye, said is your mind free?

Cause I got something for you
it is shiny, it is clean
Come on up and I’ll adore you
with my yellow laser beam

sitting in her room upstairs,
watching her wind up the buns in her hair
I declare that I’d like to be luke,
unless that’s a little bit too perverted for you
I could be jaba, a jawa, an ewok, when we talk “oo ga la gee bla!”
wait — I seen all the flicks, all the books that I read,
don’t remember any character tied to the bed
but that’s all right, I’ma just pretend that I’m encased in carbonite
and why that’s a nice gold bikini, you make that?
shows off what you got, make no mistake that’s
one fine view of chewbacca you’re giving me
lower that down here, we could be living the
linguistic lifesyle of the protocol droid.”

-MC Frontalot “Yellow Lasers” (Note: there is more to this song, but it’s not safe for mixed company.)

July 16, 2003

i’ll burn the building down

If you’ve seen office space you’ll appreciate that you can now buy red swingline staplers like this one. But why is it such a big deal that you can get a red Swingline stapler?

Because Swingline didn’t make red staplers until this past April. The prop guy took a black stapler and painted it red for the movie. You can find obvious office space references on Swingline’s product page. “Up the Revolution: The Red Stapler! Staple and be heard! WHAM-cubicles! WHAM-dress code! WHAMWHAMWHAM!”

July 14, 2003

korean church

There is a Korean christian center next door, and they recently put up a huge sign with a bible passage on it, both in Korean and English. However, the english part is translated from Korean and not the other way around. It reads:

“GOD SHELLHELP HER JUST AT THE BREAK OF DAWN –PSALM 46:5” (Yes it’s in all caps and yes ‘SHELLHELP’ is one word)

Which is interesting, because according to this, Psalm 46:5 reads:

“God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day. “

July 13, 2003

best clothing ever

Dorcus is no longer the clothing powerhouse that it once was. And with ideas like this it’s not all that hard to see why.

If this doesn’t do it for you, you’re probably dead.

geek name

Have you ever thought to yourself, “If I was a geek, what would my name be?” Well, me neither. But this is still pretty funny. Geek name generator.

July 12, 2003


After not having even thought about football for months I found my self at the ESPN college football website and it’s all over. I’m already excited about the new season. Even though I haven’t seen what the new quarterback can do, I already care that USC has been ranked #6 in the country by ESPN’s Ivan Maisel, even though I have not a clue who Ivan Maisel is or whether or not he’s ever even watched football. Oh well. At least I can get free tickets.

July 10, 2003

This is my first time…

Hello, I wanted to add something cool to my boyfriend’s website, so here it is. Sorry it’s not that cool, but I’ll try better next time. Anyway, go to Jamba Juice and get a good drink, I would recommend the Strawberry Tsunami because it’s fantastic, but maybe not if you don’t like lemonade. Ok, that’s about all I have to say, except for, Harry Potter kids are alcoholics, on July 2nd, Brian/Red was also born, the egg didn’t come first, it’s called a rehtorical question, the Beatles aren’t under-appreciated, there needs to be a scholarship for half-assed Math Majors with a minor in fine arts (emphasis in computer imaging) and animation (but you can’t know anything about that), with a priority given to those who play clarinet in a marching band and work at the school of music, and if you have snakes in your dreams it means you must be a Parseltongue. That’s it for now, have fun everyone!

headline of the century

I know this may be a little pre-mature, but I think I’ve found the headline of the century. CBS news reports “Canada Gets Baked.”

July 9, 2003

help interpret this dream

(11:44:57) AnonymousChica: oh, you know something weird… seems like every night for the last few nights i’ve had some dream with a snake in it… what does that mean?

political quote of the moment

“My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.”
– Former U.S. President Harry S. Truman

making democracy work

In honor of Brian Wong and Lauren and all those out there who just don’t wanna, I present sixty seven actual ways people have avoided jury duty.

July 8, 2003


I’m filling out an online school application now, and I’ve noticed a couple intriguing scholarship opportunities. Some favorites:

1) Fine arts or liberal arts major, including librarianship, who neither smokes nor drinks alcoholic beverages[can you smoke or drink other things?]
2) student studying Pomology
3) Blood relative of Mildred L. Muller
4) Student who has a relative directly or indirectly connected with the beauty industry [My mom pays a gay man named Paolo a lot of money to get her hair done, does that qualify me?]
5) Jewish orphan studying aeronautical engineering
6) Protestant female [Sorority chicks need not apply]
7) Student who is not now and does not plan to become a member of a social fraternity or sorority, other than an honor society.

Fantastic. All I need is “Slightly overweight redhead with a German last name interested in persuing a degree in some field that will give him lots of money with minimal work. Priority given to those currently delivering pizza in South Central.”

July 7, 2003

cool beatles song of the moment

The Beatles are not exactly under-appreciated, but I’ve been listening to them a lot recently and there are a few songs that are firmly in the shadows of their more popular peers. “It Won’t Be Long Now” off the 1963 album “With The Beatles” is one such song. Another mindless but catchy rock song in the same vein as “twist & shout” or “hold your hand”, I highly suggest giving this tune a listen.

by request

Byron: and on the nightly parade, i get to drive the bat mobile on the parade!!!
Rachel: THAT is cool!
Byron: yeah, hopefully I’ll get to drive the giant sombrero someday, but the batmobile it alright

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