September 30, 2004

quotes of the moment

I’ve been much busier now that school has started, but I’ve managed to acquire a few choice quotes to share with you all.

“I know a lot of you are used to having your bottles of water, but in here we view water as a gateway substance that could lead to coffee or even, god forbid, coke.”
-Kurt Brown, Guy who runs the photo lab, on why we can’t have water in the labs.

“Even if every last one of you falls asleep, I’m going to keep right on talking.”
-Dr. Fern, on class policies

“I find that duck’s opinions of me are greatly influenced by whether or not I have bread.”
-Mitch Hedburg, on ducks

September 22, 2004

back at poly

I walk into the room about thirty minutes early and the room’s already on the verge of packed. This class, “Computer Design and Assembly Language Programming,” filled up before most people had a chance to even register, it filled up with people taking priorities (a system by which you’re allowed to register before everyone else a total of three times during your undergraduate studies) alone. When the time came for class to start, there were about twenty more people than seats and people were getting antsy.

Finally, the professor walked in. He looked around at the varying levels of panic on each student’s face and muttered, “I really didn’t think anyone would be crashing this class.” He organized his papers on the podium, glanced back at the clock, acknowledged the time, and spoke:

“Hi, my name is Lyndon Nelson and this is Social Psychology.”

Some people laughed, three people fainted right on the spot, and everyone else began talking at once. Eventually it was communicated to Dr. Nelson that it was the belief of all assembled he was in the wrong room. Dr. Nelson walked to the door, found a sign that said his class had been moved, and addressed what had been for the last 30 seconds, his class: “Well, this must be a good class with so many people trying to crash. Have fun!”

Extreme anxiety set in and the questions began to pile up. Was our teacher in the wrong class as well? Who is this mysterious Dr. STAFF? Why don’t my socks match? How long would it take me to get to the beach from here if I just flat out ran?

About ten minutes after class was supposed to start, this guy, the department head for the EE department walked in. The atmosphere was one of utter shock, one student let out a low whistle and another was heard to whisper, “Damn…super teacher.” He stepped to the podium and addressed his class:

“This class has been cancelled as we have not been able to find a qualified instructor to teach it.”

So that’s why they sent the head, anyone else would have been lynched, cooked, and eaten. He then kicked everyone not currently enrolled in the class out, and explained, “We’ve opened up another section of this class that will be available with the following section numbers (proceeds to write section numbers on the board), you are advised to sign up for them as quickly as possible.”

Now, by the fact that he just kicked all the people not enrolled out of the room, it’s pretty clear to me that anyone who enters those section numbers into POWER is going to be able to get that particular class, so it’s basically a foot-race to see which 28 people can get to a computer the fastest.

And, well, I got the class.

September 17, 2004

holy bandwidth batman!

On September 5th, my parents, Lauren, Kelsey, and Rachel all helped me move up into my new apartment. I promised my parents that as soon as I got everything completely settled I would post pictures of my new digs, so here it is, your own virtual tour of our new-old apartment.

The view while standing in the doorway

The view while standing in the doorway. Observe our free couch and chair, as well as the slammin’ coffee table that Melissa picked out for Joel. The laptop on the coffee table Joel got for free which we have shoe-horned Debian onto, and it basically functions as an internet terminal. Also the end table was free.

an alternate view

An alternate view of the living room. I’m really pleased with the way our furniture fits so perfectly into our living space. The love seat had been sitting in a garage for two years after being rescued from the side of the road a couple years ago by Joel. The love seat is by far the most comfortable free seating I’ve ever owned.

The music Center

Between Joel’s keyboard and my guitar, bass, and amps, we’ve got a pretty decent garage band waiting to happen.


CHOPPER 4, now with foosball capabilities. The table is also Joel’s, though he named it after a skit that I introduced him to freshman year.

pink tub

Pink shower tiles and my shampoo. Booyah.

Joel's room

Joel’s room. Take a close look at the desk and see if you can spot it again later in this post.

view of my room

What my room looks like as you walk in. Special attention should be given to the Laser printer on the ground next to my chair, The beast is 12 years old, prints at an astonishing 300dpi, and was free, free, free.

rest of my room

Recognize the desk? That’s The Hulk’s new home, as well as the used Sun 19″ (manufactured by sony) flat-screen CRT monitor that I got for a decent price. The other half of the desk I am going to use for a writing surface as apparently some classes still require the occasional meeting of pen and paper.

And that’s about it. The picture of my bed didn’t come out right, and I’m too lazy to do it over again, so you don’t get to see it. However, if the demand is high enough, I might reconsider, so get your friends together and start writing letters.

September 15, 2004

and this was in reference to 2000

Jon Stewart : What’s your overall sense of the mood down at the Republican convention floor. How did it feel to be there last night during the speech?

Stephen Colbert : Well John, as a journalist I have to maintain my objectivety, but I would say the feeling down here was one of a pervasive and palpable evil. A thick demonic stench that roles over you and clings like hot black tar, a nightmare from which you cannot awaken, a nameless fear that lives in the dark spaces beyond your peripheral vision and drives you toward inhuman cruelties and unspeakable perversions. The delegates bloated, pustulent bodies twisting from one obsene form to another, giant spider-shaped and ravenous wolf-headed creatures who feast upon the flesh of the innocent and suck the marrow from the bones of the poor.

September 12, 2004

three hundredth entry

Nothing says “saved” like a religous light switch cover.

September 8, 2004

everyday conversation

Two couples standing in line at staples today ended up arguing over politics. Here’s a paraphrased version of that conversation:

Couple #1 walks up to counter with 30 packs of double A batteries.
Cashier: May I ask why you’re buying so many batteries?
Couple #1: We’re buying them for the troops in Iraq. It’s through this really cool program where troops post items they need/want, and then you go down to your local Democrat office (there is such a thing?) where they have a drop box for it.
Cashier: cool!

Couple #2 walks up to the counter
Man from Couple #2: I’ve got two words for you: Vote Republican. Democrats kill babies.

And it’s true. We do.

Every time a group of Democrats get together, it’s to discuss the killing of babies. We have snipers stationed outside of nurseries at all times, and the democratic convention is just a big baby killing get-together. It’s really what the party is based around. That and killing puppies.

Democrats hate puppies.

September 3, 2004

“bush and kerry trade blows on jobs”…

…is the headline of this reuters article.

Did anyone else read that wrong the first time through?

September 2, 2004

more extreme than a shot of olive oil

While ironing a shirt one day, it occured to me that the task was heart-stoppingly boring. Ironing isn’t just your average “high school algebra teacher” boring, but a piercing, resentful, lack of interest that shook me to my meager soul. Normally the television would console me, but on that particular day not even spraying innocent passerby with water could maintain my interest.

I was losing my passion for creating wrinkle free garments. As the days, weeks, and months passed by the iron lay undisturbed and cool to the touch.

Then I discovered extreme ironing. My life will never be the same.

ironing in the cracks

September 1, 2004

computer smash

There was a time when my computer, a 1.0 Ghz Pentium III with hardware acceleration, might be considered a minor deity, but while running modern software, it’s more of a heathen; It’s sluggish, unresponsive, with compile times longer than Jay London‘s hair.

I’ve been looking at getting a new computer for about a year now, and I finally found one for the right price, so I’m making the plunge and purchasing a brand new Dell. In comparison with my current computer, the Dell’s processor is three times as fast, the memory is four times as fast, the hard drive is twice as fast, the video card exists, and there are many other favorable comparisons as well. Click here for an artist’s conception of what my finished computer will look like (If it’s assembled in a spanish speaking country).

and i thought my day sucked

Last night on Last Comic Standing Ralphie May went up on the new last comic standing series. Up to his performance I’d been thinking he looked completely conceited and arrogant, not smiling at anything, not clapping for anyone, and generally looking as if he had much better things to do.

As Ralphie May walked on stage, he had his head down and he took his time to get to the mike even though his two minute window was slipping away, as if he knew a sniper was waiting for him to just reach the microphone. When he finally got to the mike, he announced, “My Father’s name was Winston May, and yesterday he died of Cancer.” He followed that with two of his father’s favorite jokes and walked off to a standing ovation.

Mad props to Ralphie for even showing up.

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