I’ve always considered one of the managers at work a bit of a wuss, so you can imagine my surprise today when he informed me:

“Yeah, I’m a skydiver. I’ve got about 400 jumps under my belt. I was the first person to ever skydive naked in Paso Robles.”

Instant credibility.

Beware the IRON HAMMER OF DIPLOMACY tshirt. The bombing will continue until you accept our democratic rule.

Courtesy of Y-Que.com, the best tshirt store.

EVER

ok, ok, ok….

The following is a picture of my sister and her three suitemates. First person to guess which one is my sister wins a shiny new quarter made in 1993, with the words “E Pluribus Unum” inscribed on the back.

By a show of hands:
How many of you know a Heisman Trophy winner personally?

Now those with your hands up:
How many of you know the reigning Heisman Trophy winner?

And for the two guys in the back with their hands still raised:
How many of you have sat on his lap?

That’s what I thought. However, my former apartmentmate not only knows the current Heisman trophy winner, but got photographic evidence on her 21st birthday, while wearing a hat fashioned by one Miss Lauren:

I wish I could have told Leinert what I wanted for Christmas.

Upon watching Ocean’s 11 recently, it occurred to me that the United States’ foreign policy is completely stolen from Terry Benedict’s. You just switch some words around, which I will do for you here:

Saddam: Just out of curiosity, which towers did you idiots choose to knock down.
Osama: uhhh, the twin towers.
Saddam: *Fork drops*
Saddam: What have you got against George Bush?
Osama: What have you got against him, that’s the question.
Saddam: (angrily) He invaded my country, pushed me around.
Saddam: If you’re going after him, you better god damn know.
Saddam: He’ll kill you, and then he’ll go to work on you.

*********

Osama: Did you hear about that guy the United States caught selling Nukes?
Osama: They sent him to prison for life, then..
Saddam: *interrupts* Bankrupted his brother in law’s tractor dealership, yeah I heard.

It’s more of a security by intimidation, but I’m not one to question Ocean’s 11.

By the way, if you find this not funny and in fact completely tasteless, it might help to watch Ocean’s 11 at least ten or fifteen times like I have.

to continue the circle of shame that ben started, I come bearing politics and sex:

More later, but less now.